Since When is Being Scientific Bad?

Look folks, yes I put an electronic bark control collar to my neck and made it go off.  MadMommaMonk has chronicled my actions in an accurate manner.  But where would we be today without the brave individuals who risk ridicule and mockery to make scientific discovery.

What if Columbus, like everyone else, thought the world was flat?  Would he have set out on his journey?  Oh, wait.  No one believed the world was flat.  That’s just a myth.  Uh, ok.

So what?  I shocked myself with a dog collar.  I’ve done worse.  And future experiments will provide additional blog fodder, I’m sure.

I’m Better Now, Thanks

Over the past several months, viruses have had the run of our house.  There was one strain that had you spew all you had in one fell swoop, feel rotten for a day and was gone.  A variation on that theme had you feeling nauseous for several days, but didn’t actually cause Old Faithful to spew. 

It seems our little 5 year old and I are the only two (so far) to experience the variation, but we have all enjoyed the original.  

Part of my reason for writing this post is penance.  When my little 5 year old had it and complained for days she felt like throwing up, I got frustrated with her and begin to doubt the veracity of her statements.  I thought she was just trying to get attention.  I found soon enough exactly what she felt like.  I’ll do something nice for her later. 

A few mornings back she woke up feeling great and this morning was my morning to be whole again.  And there’s just something about waking up feeling whole again after several days of feeling poorly that just makes you…well…stupid. 

Yesterday my wife came home with a bark collar for one of our dogs.  It’s a simple little device that provides a mild shock to the animal based on throat movement.  I couldn’t get it working yesterday and with not feeling well, I didn’t really put that much effort into the task. 

This morning I tackled the task with gusto and soon determined what was wrong, performed the manufacturer’s recommended test and — voila — it works.  

And, of course, I couldn’t let it rest there.  I HAD to take the collar in hand, place it against my neck, and speak so my neck would move it such a way it would activate and…ZAP!!! 

MadMommaMonk found the entire incident extremely entertaining and will, I’m sure, have some choice words for me on her blog.  Oh, and by the way, for your personal safety, don’t try this one at home.  I’m a trained professional. 

 

All is Calm

It’s almost 6:00 pm on Christmas night, and the fury has finally subsided.  Chirstmas Eve plans were all interrupted by another round of Childus Vomitus, as this time our 5 year old had the spews.  At least she had the decency not to puke all over the church.

Our 3 year old is sleeping on the love seat.  Some are gathered around the table playing card games.  I’m about to line the curb with the trash from our wrappings.

I already miss the glee and excitement MiniestMonk showed with each gift she opened.  It didn’t matter what she got, she was excited and appreciative.  The adults had learned better, though.  We knew when to be dissappointed and how not to appreciate our blessings.

Over the next few days people will leave and the house will be empty.  Nephew Jake will head back to the Marines.  God bless you and keep you safe, Jake.  Darryl will continue driving his truck.  Marlene and Mitch will go back to Colorado.  Granny and James will return to Tennesee.

It’s been a good year.  God has been gracious and generous, providing for us far above what we need or deserve.  We will pause to give thanks and look forward to another year of His goodness.  May God bless you all.

Remove the Sharp Objects

Posting has been light because life has been hectic. We have family in town and CastleMonk is filled to the brim. My mother-in-law is here and cooking. Traditional Southern cooking. We had fried cholesterol for breakfast yesterday. If it stops moving, she’ll fry it. I’m a happy man.

But MadMommaMonk is not. If you were wonder what this post was all about, she and her mother bought the same knife set for themselves. (She is allowing me to wrap hers and “give” it to her as a gift). Well, her mother sliced herself twice with the new, sharp knives, so MadMommaMonk takes over the slicing duties.

She sliced the ‘taters, she sliced the onions, she sliced right through her fingernail and into her finger. Perhaps I should include a boost in insurance with the knives.

 

That’ll Bruise the Ol’ Ego

Things were going swimmingly in blogdom.  MadMommaMonk wrote a post praising my Monkness.  Lydia left a comment comparing me to Amy (Yes!  Amy!)

Then mom leave a comment correcting my spelling.  Sigh.  You can always count on mom to keep you humble.

Daddy, I Puked

Those are three words I don’t care to here.  First off, I am the kind of daddy who really empathizes when my little girls hurt.  Second of all, I have the kind of weak stomach that leads to sympathy puking and a much larger clean up.

Today on the way to church, our little two year old (who, by the way, will turn three on Tuesday despite my instructions to stop growing up) said she was feeling like she was going to throw up.  When we questioned her more closely, she informed us she just had to burp and she was feeling better now, so we proceeded to church.

Sunday School went well, except her teacher informed us she said she felt like throwing up and wouldn’t touch the cookies and cupcakes they had for them in class today.  After conferring with MadMommaMonk, we decided we would not push our luck.  After all, we’ve already been through this and this.  Since MadMommaMonk and I are in the choir, we decided to sing, but depart after the choir was finished.  As a precaution, the MiniestMonk and our oldest daughter would not sit in the sanctuary.  Oldest son and MiniMonk would.

MiniestMonk and oldest daughter are in the back in the room where the choir was warming up, when the unmistakable sound of vomit splash reached my ears.  Oldest daughter was holding MiniestMonk out at arms length running to the bathroom and the table was splashed with that morning’s Fruit Loops.

The well oiled machine that responds to MonkEmergencies sprang into action.  I went to the church’s sanctuary to inform Oldest Son and MiniMonk we would be leaving and then went to retreive cleaning materials.  MadMommaMonk sprinted to the restroom to provide comfort and aid to MiniestMonk.

After a brief period of vomit clean-up, I looked at MiniestMonk, asking “Are you okay, honey?”  “Daddy, I puked” was her reply.

We packed up the MiniVan and headed for CastleMonk.  As I write MadMommaMonk is back at church.  We have a cantata this evening and she has a solo.  MiniestMonk is on the couch with a sippy cup of Gatorade.  OldestDaughter and MiniMonk are baking cookies.  OldestSon is in his room.  There is calm in CastleMonk.

But don’t relax just yet.  As the two posts linked above indicate, this is round three.  Who will get it next?

Blog That Daddy

I have never taken time out of my weekend to post.  But today I feel I must. 

I took a little time last night to play with my 5 year old daughter.  We went into the living room for a little wrestling and tickle fights.  This particular MiniMonk is so very precious.  She is kind and demure.  Soft spoken and obedient.  But she is not just blessed with an inner beauty, but an outer beauty as well (thanks to, it should go without saying, MadMommaMonk).

We spent almost 30 minutes rolling on the floor, laughing and giggling and having a wonderful time playing together.

During one of the times we were taking a breather, she looked at me and said, “Daddy, you’re going to have to blog this!”

There, my sweet.  For you, I have.

Church Closed on Christmas

Many of us have read the articles such as this one concerning the controversy of the year.  Since Christmas falls on a Sunday, should churches be closed.

Both sides offer their reasons (some employing a logic more twisted than an Aunt Annies Pretzel) for why the church should/should not be opened.

I will now offer my opinion on this matter.  In the bible we see the early church gathering together regularly on the first day of the week.  This day was so associated with the gathering of the church, it was referred to as “the Lord’s Day”.

The bible never mentions a day to celebrate the birth of Jesus.

Do we follow the biblical mandate to meet on the Lord’s Day or do we allow a man made holiday to take precedence?  What other man made days should override the commands of the bible?  Can I take my birthday off from church?  How about MadMommaMonk‘s birthday?  Or the birthdays of the miniMonks?

If you haven’t figured it out by now I find this practice of subverting God’s Word to man’s will repugnent.  I can only weep and pray forgivness for the Laodicean attitude of the church in America.

A Little Liver Pie

I have the greatest job in the world.  And what is that job, you ask.  It’s any job that allows you to work from your home.  My commute is 7 seconds.  The amount of money I spend on gas is miniscule and the real benefit is a Little Liver Pie.

No, not a pie made of liver.  That’s the nickname I’ve given to my almost 3 year old.  Long story on the nickname.  It would require a post of it’s own and will come by request only.

Today during lunch, she was sleepy.  I lay down on the couch with her and went to sleep.  Not sure if she ever fell asleep, but I had a nice nap.  Snuggled with a little Liver Pie.

And this afternoon she did my favorite thing for her to do.  She comes into my office and, as I am typing on the computer keyboard, she wraps her little arms around mine, lays her cheek on my forearm, sighs and says, “Daddy, I love you”.

At one time I was offered a significant increase in my pay if I would travel.  No amount of money can take the place of a Little Liver Pie.  And I pity those men who take those jobs which create a seperation from their families.  They would never leave if they only had a Little Liver Pie.

 

Me to a T

If you visit my site through MadMommaMonk‘s, you may get the impression I am some twisted Neanderthal who lives to ridicule those, especially MadMommaMonk‘s friends, who make a mistake. 

That’s about right.